


Love

by aby55al (abyssa1)



Series: aby55al's phan oneshots [13]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28230900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abyssa1/pseuds/aby55al
Summary: Phil breaks up with his girlfriend and realizes he's in love with Dan. They have questionably consensual sex and then have to deal with their feelings.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: aby55al's phan oneshots [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067135
Kudos: 5





	Love

Dan had been in the lounge when Phil returned from his date with Alice. He had heard Phil walk up the stairs and he knew that Phil was upset. When Phil's bedroom door slammed, Dan went to the kitchen and made them both hot chocolate before carefully walking up to Phil's room.

He tentatively knocked on the door with one mug, "Phil? Can I come in?"

"No."

"Okay I'm coming in." Dan managed to open the door without spilling any of the hot drinks. Phil was laying in bed, his face pressed into a pillow. He didn't look up when Dan walked in. Dan carefully set the drinks down on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. He put a hand on Phil's shoulder, "So what went wrong?"

"Shesaidshedidntlovemeandthatishouldjustgobacktobeingastupidyoutubersincethatmeantmoretomethanshedid." Phil shoulders began to shake and Dan could hear muffled sobs.

Dan sat back, unsure of what to do. Phil and Alice had been dating for almost a year and in that year Phil had basically been her puppet. He made fewer videos, went out even less than he did before, and for the most part, didn't even talk to Dan. Dan of course hated having his best friend taken away from him like that and now it seemed like Alice was gone. But Dan could celebrate later. He needed to help Phil first.

"It's okay Phil." Dan rubbed Phil's back in what he hoped was a soothing way. "She wasn't that great anyways."

"I loved her," Phil cried into the pillow, clearly not feeling any better.

"So what? You've loved a lot of people." Dan ran a hand through Phil's hair, "You'll love someone else soon. You'll forget all about her. She didn't deserve you."

"She deserved better."

Dan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "Philip Michael Lester you look at me right now." Phil peeked up from the pillow, his eyes red and puffy from crying. "You deserved better. All she did was use you and abuse you. You're a fucking ray of sunshine and she obviously didn't know that. Now I want you to sit up and drink this goddamn hot chocolate that I made just for you because I actually care about you, unlike Alice." Dan grabbed the cups from the floor and handed one to Phil, who was sitting up, "Drink up and tomorrow we'll go find you a new girlfriend. Boyfriend. Whatever." Dan sipped his drink, staring at Phil until the older man finally gave in and took a drink.

"Thanks," Phil mumbled. "I was just really upset. We were dating for a long time."

"You were. I can't believe you let her treat you like that for so long."

Phil shrugged, "It never seemed bad when she was doing it."

Dan laughed, "Of course not, you idolized her. She was like a goddess to you. You were basically me back in 2009."

"You idolized me?"

"Yeah. I probably would've done anything you'd asked me to without even questioning it." Dan took a long drink, "I'm glad you had no idea. But you wouldn't have done anything bad. You're too pure for that." Dan knew that Phil was anything but pure after hearing him and Alice countless times, but it was better to think of his friend as a pure ray of sunshine rather than... Dan snapped back to the current conversation. He did not need to be thinking about his best friend that way. He had no feelings towards Phil, at least not anymore.

Phil laughed at his comment, "Yeah okay. Thank you Dan. I feel a lot better."

"Good," Dan stood up, about to leave. "If you need anything I'll be in my room."

"Hey Dan?" Dan was almost down the hallway when Phil called him back.

"Yeah?"

"I love you... Like platonically."

Dan rolled his eyes, "I love you too, you idiot. Now get out of your suit before you ruin it and go to bed."

Dan slept better that night knowing that his best friend was safe from Alice. Phil though, didn't sleep at all. He was too conflicted. He had loved Alice, but he had loved Dan too. He'd loved Dan for years. Why hadn't he ever realized it before? He didn't want someone else- he wanted Dan. Dan, his best friend, the only person that was always there for him. Dan had helped him get over so many breakups... What if Dan really loved him and every time he saw Phil with a new person it was hurting him? Phil needed to go apologize.

Dan was wrapped in his duvet, asleep, when Phil entered his room. "Dan!" Phil whispered, sitting down next to Dan and gently shaking his shoulder.

"Mmwhat?" Dan mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"Dan, I love you."

"I know you told me earlier. What time is it?" Dan reached for his phone on the nightstand.

"Like four?"

"Phil go to bed. Please. We've got stuff to do tomorrow remember? We're gonna go get you a new person." Dan rolled over, snuggling back into his pillow, "Go to sleep."

"Dan. I don't want a new person. I want you."

Dan sighed, "No you don't Phil. You're just confused right now because I've been nice to you and Alice just dumped you."

"No Dan really-"

"Stop Phil. We can talk about it in the morning ok?"

"Okay." Phil stood up to leave and then changed his mind, "Can I stay in here tonight?"

"Fine." Dan unrolled himself and offered half the duvet to Phil, "Just tonight."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Seriously don't, the phandom would go insane."

Phil laughed, "I won't Dan."

They both fell asleep, sleeping soundly until almost noon when Dan finally woke up and realized he was in Phil's arms.

"Shit," he mumbled quietly and tried to remove himself from Phil's embrace. Phil just held him tighter, his breath hot on Dan's neck. Dan closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, hopefully Phil would wake up and let him go and they could continue their lives as usual.

"Morning," Phil mumbled placing a gentle kiss on Dan's neck. Dan froze, not sure how to respond.

"Good morning, Phil." He hoped that Phil would hear that it was him, Dan, his best friend, not his girlfriend, and Dan wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness this was going to create.

"D'you sleep okay?" Phil was obviously not catching on.

"Slept fine. You?"

"Great. The best I've slept in a year."

Dan nodded, still trying to pull away from Phil, "That's good."

"I meant what I said last night."

Dan sighed and fell back against Phil, "No you didn't Phil, you were just upset and I was there for you. You don't have any feelings towards me other than as your best friend."

"No," Phil shook his head. "I like you Dan. A lot. I love you."

Dan closed his eyes, "Whatever you say Phil."

"Listen to me. I know I've been dumb and I haven't realized it all these years but I really do love you Dan. Please believe me."

Dan could hear Phil was about to cry and he rolled around to face him. "Okay, I believe you. You love me." Dan didn't believe him. Phil was just confused and he was turning to Dan because Dan was always there.

"Dan?" Phil's hand moved to cup Dan's cheek, "Can I kiss you?"

And Dan knew he shouldn't say yes but the word was already tumbling from his lips and then Phil was kissing him, gentle and sweet, and he was kissing back. Their shirts somehow came off and Phil was straddling Dan, rolling their hips together and the kiss was deeper, less sweet. Dan wanted to stop, didn't want to go this far with Phil, but Phil was sucking a hickey on his neck and it felt so good. It was everything he'd wanted back in 2009. But it wasn't 2009 anymore.

"Phil," Dan mumbled, pushing futilely at Phil's legs, pinning him to the bed.

"Please Dan. Let me do this." Phil rolled his hips again and Dan stopped fighting, "Let me make you feel good."

"Okay." They had sex, and Dan regretted it. Back when they had met, Dan would have been ecstatic after, but now he just felt sad, and empty. He wished he had let Phil cry himself to sleep alone in his room

They didn't speak about what had happened- Dan wouldn't allow it. They lived in silence for three weeks, Dan locking himself in his room most of the time so that he wouldn't have to look at Phil. Dan couldn't bear to see his face anymore, knowing how it had looked when Phil was on top of him.

"Dan?" Phil knocked softly on Dan's bedroom door, not waiting for a reply before entering. Dan was in bed on his laptop, he didn't look up when Phil entered.

Phil felt awful for what he had done to Dan. Dan had made it clear that he didn't want Phil and even though he hadn't fought, he didn't agree to anything that has happened that night. Phil had taken advantage of Dan and he couldn't even apologize or ask forgiveness because Dan wouldn't talk to him.

"Dan?" Phil stood by the bedroom door, afraid to get closer to Dan. Dan looked up at him for a second before grabbing headphones and plugging them into his laptop.

"I don't want to talk about it Phil," Dan said when Phil sat down on the edge of his bed.

"We need to talk about it." Phil rested his head in his hands, "I need to talk about it. I need to tell you I'm so so sorry for what I did."

"You didn't do anything I didn't let you do."

"You didn't want it. I-I should've stopped- I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. I-I was in a bad place and I wasn't thinking and-"

"Phil. Shut up." Dan removed his headphones and set his laptop aside, making up his mind.

This time it was Dan making the decision. He kissed Phil and pulled him to the middle of his bed, stripping clothes off carelessly. He pushed Phil against the headboard and sat on his lap, grinding down against Phil as the older man went limp at his touch.

"Dan are you sure?"

"Yes."

Phil's hands moved to grip Dan's hips, pulling them together harder as he kissed down Dan's neck, Dan's hands buried in his hair. Dan let Phil push him back in the bed, let Phil leave hickeys over his neck and chest. He let Phil murmur "I love you" with every kiss. He let Phil make love to him because he wanted it. Because he wanted Phil.

"I love you," Dan mumbled when they were finished, his head resting on Phil's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"I love you too."


End file.
